Between Worlds

My sigh lifts the veil

And naked, my soul parts the darkness
Between the particles of here and now.

It is always there.
The beyond is so close,
It is even inside us.
Its exact reach is
Almost ~ almost.

With eyes closed, I peer.
Deaf to the world, I listen.
And with breath stilled,
I feel the presence of the unbreathing.
~Sometimes it is a loved one, gone beyond.
Sometimes it is the great resonance
Of the collective consciousness.
Sometimes it is the perfect understanding
Of the Divine Witness.

It is so close...
In between the particles of here & now,
In the stillness underneath our breath,
Right in front of the eyes, when closed,
In the silence just beyond
The hearing of ordinary sounds,
And between the worlds
Of sleeping and waking,
It is there...

Can you feel it?

On the bridge...

Sometimes, in life, we must carry ourselves over bridges ~ The bridges of transformation on which, we alone, must decide the course of our destiny. Even when we use the needs of others as determinants for our choices, our souls know that free will has been exercised and our fates are of our choosing. How will you walk this bridge? Will your steps be deliberate, or hesitant? Or will you scamper back to the familiarity of the known shore? ~Even no choice, is a choice.
I have been standing on the bridge, watching the waters' swift current pass beneath me. This is mid-life... Where will I go from here?
One thing I have learned from my time on the bridge, is that we can ask for a sign ~ an indicator from the great mystery, as to what choice would best serve the fulfillment of our souls' purpose. And the sign WILL be delivered in symbolism we will clearly recognize, like a whisper in our ear.
The other night I was so weary with questions churning within, that I decided to go to bed early and asked my dreams to sort things out and present me with an answer. I needed a sign because, from my human perspective, I could not seem to achieve clarity on an important matter that would profoundly affect my future. I slept and was visited by a ferocious dream, the terror of which I had experienced few times in my life. Upon waking, I ransacked the dream in search of the answer. It had used symbols never before conjured in my dreamlife and had magnified the underlying fears my life questions were stirring in me... but try as I might, I could not decipher any clear directive or answer from it. It seemed intentionally obtuse. It seemed mean rather than helpful. Until I received the second part of the message.
The first part of the message was delivered via the internal medium of the dreamscape, but the second part was delivered via the external medium of the internet. I was guided to it by following an unusual tangent of surfing, but when I landed on it, my little hairs stood on end in recognition. It was like discovering the key to a criptic message, planted just for me! And it brought such relief to my spirit because it was too obscure to be coincidental. I just knew my prayer for guidance had been answered. The fact that the message came in two parts via two different mediums only affirmed the source to be that which has dominion over all channels of communication.
Such communications are very intimate and difficult to relay with justice to their miraculous quality. I have only tried for the sake of conveying one thing; If you're standing on the bridge of transition and your choices are weighing heavily, you can ask for a sign and be assured an answer will come in symbolism you will understand. Be patient. The answer may come in parts. But when it does, it will be clear ~ as though God whispered directly in your ear.
Ours is a shared journey.
May we each be guided the way of greater good.

Questions...
Of the mirror I ask;
Is the sadness an essential part of who I am? Is it an expression of my soul, or is it a heavy blanket of memories and disappointments, sabotaging the momentum of spirit?
If our lives are artwork, commissioned by God, then sadness might be part of the beauty and meaning. To deny it would be to create a shallow work of trite optimism. But if the portrait becomes an ode to disillusionment, will it satisfy the artist - our soul, upon completion? And will it please our benefactor?
But I suppose the real question is; Do we have a choice? Does free will grant us the super-power to extricate our identification with the cumulative imprint of our negative experiences? And if so, would that serve the commission?
My internal constitution legislates a commitment to both optimism and authenticity. I pledge allegiance to optimism because it is in alignment with the spirit of ascending energy. And this commitment dictates that I keep faith in the higher potential for humanity, despite ample demonstrations of our flaws. Yet authenticity dictates that I incorporate the whole of my experience - including the negative, into the tone of my testament. I want my artwork to be both inspiring and true... Don't we all?
These experiments with the observer self are taking me down a path of diminishing identification with my story. I am going to try setting aside the old blanket of my sadness (quilted with disappointments). Let me know if my testament begins to ring shallow or inauthentic as a result. Or join me if your blanket has become an impediment to creating the inspiring life art you had hoped to create.

Etrangere...

Sister,
How thin the veil of otherness between us.
Thin enough to see through, to you ~
The light within,
So familiar... almost home.
Almost touching
We draw closer
To remembering
Who we are
And where we came from.
We cradle the untouchable between us.

My tears are from homesickness.
My tears are the brimming of 'so close'.

Sister,
The veil is thin between us.
Thin enough for lifting...
Almost, almost.

Dance Sanctuary...

How sweet humans can be!

Window dance

My sister says that through dance we develop a whole lexicon of expression beyond words. As a form of prayer it raises energy as an offering. I like to pray near windows, if not directly under the sky.

Thoughts on Dying

I am going to die.

This heart will cease to offer measure for the dance of my life.This breath will still from its long discourse with the sweet earth’s atmosphere. This mind will unravel from the lifespan coil of my story.

Yes, we are going to die. Our narration has a final page, and then a sigh perhaps, for those who enjoyed its candor – its rhythm. We are the authors of our Life’s work. Its inspiration is our contribution. I want to make mine a labor of love. I want my composition to be an original. I wish I could make it funny, but humor is not my gift. So I’m aiming for thoughtful and good natured, caring and uncompromising, compassionate and courageous. I hope the critics don’t proclaim (as they often do of creative works); “Ambitious, but falls short.”

I want to live each day in the shadow-less light of forgiveness from yesterday. At night I want to give myself over to sleep without attachment to the plot of my narration as a practice for the big ‘giving over’ that will wake me from the dream of this life. I want to help others to remember that this ‘now’ is all we have. All that 'was', has passed away. Time steals every moment from us like a little death. And that little death is followed by the new birth of the 'now'. We are reborn every instant. Forgive yourself from what has been so that you can allow the newness of the now to shine its full potential through you! The more we die to the old, the more we make way for the new. I open my eyes, like a newborn, to see... what a miracle gift each precious moment is, in this ever-changing Universe.

Embodied prayer...

When I dance
I feel you take me
Take me close
Take me in.

No matter how I try,
All of my offerings are replenished.
I want you to spend me.
Instead you spill into me.
And over me
And even my mouth has no want
And every breath I expend
you breathe back into me.

And next to me,
My sister,
My brother,
Are falling upwards
Into your arms.

You catch them.
You catch them all,
In your baptism of light ~
In your absolution of ecstasy.


I went to this really alive dance sanctuary/service this morning. It was so charged with positive energy... you should come some time :)
http://www.spiritweaves.com/classes.html

Still grieving...

When she died,
love began splitting atoms in my heart
To find her.
Each time
She is not found
an atomic flash
is emitted from my heart
Across the cosmos.

Not here... not here...
My love searches for her
Until it has spread everywhere
At light speed.

The searching hurts
Like an atomic flash
Then my small vessel
melts down in tears.

Over and over
This reaction has been triggered
Each time my heart recalls its love for her.
Something must be done...
This special love must be transmuted.

I want no more of special love.
This mourning has compelled a fission
Both catastrophic and miraculous.
The atomic flashes of love
Seeking her out across the cosmos
Have been the dawning
Of a more universal love,
One with infinite power
And yet peace
Peace at the core
and in my heart.

I will have less attachment to individuals, now. Because free will makes us too dangerous to count on. But this will not lessen my goodwill. In fact, it will preserve it from the spoil of bitterness. Expectation leads to disappointment. I know I have disappointed others in my special relationships.
I am more interested in Agape now (unconditional love). I want to throw myself more fully into the Ministry of goodwill and service without attachment or expectation. I want peace in my heart. All of this is passing. Everything we do and feel is an offering to the only eternal place. Nothing belongs to us here. Our love comes from God and belongs to God. God is love. Jenny is with God now. She is held in love.

Loss...

Dear Love,
You could have told me
You were going to take your life...
I would have taken it,
if it were up for the taking.
I would have placed it
in a robin's nest in the day
Where butterflies play below
And skies above pass peacefully.
At night, I would have taken you in,
And kept the warm light on,
Never to let darkness touch you again.
It is true. It is true.
Now you know it is true.
I was always ready to catch you,
When you grew tired of falling.

It was morning when you left.
Lying on the tracks,
You saw the sky of the new day
But still, you did not pick yourself up.
Your heart was adorned
With the love laurels of many,
But, still, you did not pick yourself up.
Free will was granted you,
All through the days of your life,
But, still, you did not pick yourself up.

It was morning when you left
Now each morning tears you further from us.
yet love cares not of time or distance.
And though you have yanked your flower from the roots,
It blossoms still in every heart that loves you.

I am in no hurry to grieve
Since the urgency of hoping is over.
A slow sadness
Spreads through the rest of my days.
Because there will be no forgetting of this love,
Only disconsolation, again and again,
When my heart remembers you.

I am here.
I am still here.
Where are you?

We are here.
All those who love you, are still here.
Where are you?

At your funeral I described you as Defiant and difficult and proud (among other things).
Well, I am also defiant.
In answer to your dying, I will live stronger. I will give this love, you left with me, to those with the courage to live. I invite you to haunt me. Perhaps you will learn the positive power of free will. Perhaps you will understand more fully, the value of this miracle gift of life... as I have come to understand it to new depths through you.

Nothing is personal.

Everything matters.

This is not about you or me.

This is about us… (and not the small us but the big US)

We serve the collective,

Whether we realize it or not.

Oh, but to realize it is to swoon with bliss!

To soar on the wave of God’s momentum,

To be set at liberty

From the cares and snares of the small self.

Merge your goodwill with God’s will.

Delusions of personal gain deal in False currency

The kind you can’t exchange

At the border crossing of the soul.

Everything matters

God’s garden wastes nothing.

We may be mulch, we may be fertilizer,

We may serve function or beauty,

We may fulfill all of these,

But no matter what,

We can not withhold our contribution.

For there are no private stores.

There is no lasting singular satisfaction.

It all belongs to God.

Our laughter,

Our secret longing,

Our supposed treacheries,

Nothing is withheld from the sweet inhale of God’s being.

God lives through us.

Let’s not be dull.

Let’s not be petty.

Let’s offer worthy reciprocation for the gift of life.

By living well, we make of each day

A fragrant blossom for the

delight of The One.

Every thought,

Every gesture,

Is an offering.

~Make it worthy.

Blow a kiss of goodwill into the sails of God’s will

Moody...

Of this world, I am tired today. The avaricious blaze their trails, while the tender-hearted nurse their disappointments. Why do we let the takers take us down? Every time we answer venom with venom, we fuel the fires of the descending forces. And when our small storms of selfishness join and brew to form the front of malevolence, we know not what we have done… When the innocent are hurt, we are not blameless.

This is of our making. This is of our making!

Why do we let the takers take us down? Do not answer venom with venom. Do not answer selfishness with selfishness. Revoke the fuel of energetic reaction. Withhold the oxygenation of words. Ration these precious resources. Give to the givers and go in peace from the takers. Only then will their fires be extinguished and their energies set free for conversion.

Extinguish & convert, extinguish & convert… this is the remedy we must apply both within and without to win the momentum of progress from downward influences.

It’s been 2000yrs since Jesus said “Turn the other cheek.” When will we learn? How many incarnations will it take us to catch up? This interminable dance of 2 steps forward and 1 step back – then 1 step forward and 2 steps back, is the tug-of-war between ascending and descending forces.

I beg of us all to finally turn the other cheek. To walk away and do something useful – like love somebody or create something beautiful… to just say no to passing on the contagion of negative energy. To refuse, as often as possible, to allow our instruments used for other than goodwill.

Haven’t we all grown tired of this tug-of-war? Even the furiously descending are just begging for conversion. Free will deems us the determiners of our own progress. Are we ready to move on, or will it be more of the same for humanity?

Theodicy - explaining evil in spiritual terms

I don’t believe in evil if it is understood as a force of intention with a consciousness to sabotage the will of God. I understand God to be all-encompassing, so it can have no adversary, only forces within itself that move in different directions. There are ascending and descending energies at work in the universe and free-will allows us to choose at every moment in which direction we will offer our allegiance.

The movement of descending energy is fueled by the motivations of Ego. It revolves around the seeking of immediate gratification and personal gain regardless of the expense to others. It is, by nature, adversarial as it sees the self in competition with others. It accomplishes the work of Shiva the destroyer. While the movement of ascending energy is motivated by a commitment to the greater good. It is more constructive than the consuming forces of the descending leagues because it values contributing to the collective development as the highest aim. But this is not about right or wrong. It is more about darkness and light or moving towards light and straying away from it. Each has a momentum of its own which can up-sweep the soul as it takes steps in either direction. Each has rewards and challenges and each serves the turbulent unfurling of the expanding universe.

I believe that acts which appear to be evil, are more like acts of desperation. My experience has taught me that those who hurt others, are themselves so hurt, that they feel forsaken. And in the darkness of being lost, they take hostage of another soul so as not to be so alone. If the dream of this life has turned into a nightmare, and the dreamer has become convinced that he/she has been cast adrift, then it will resort to extreme measures in an unconscious effort to wake up or mount a protest worthy of invoking divine intervention. When a soul believes itself to be irredeemable or forsaken, it will take hostages… it will clutch and grasp at anything in the darkness in the most shameful ways. When people are hurt or betrayed they become susceptible to conversion to the descending philosophy. But what starts out as self-defense can devolve into the justification for perpetuating the fall of the descending forces. Also, when a victim gets good at playing the victim, or when the ego gets good at making itself superior, the identity becomes invested in perpetuating those dynamics.

Conversely, Some who have been hurt or betrayed choose to give their allegiance to the ascending forces and make meaning of their experience by answering injury with defiant compassion. As their energy is upswept in the movement of ascension, their efforts are rewarded with a satisfaction more expansive than the reaches of individual ambitions. It isn't easy to revert the pendulum from the descending momentum to that of ascension. Those who do, are everyday heroes. These are the people I choose to have in my life.

In my theodicy I have chosen not to believe in 'evil'. Even though some choose to give their allegiance to the descending forces, I trust that they, too, are playing their part in the collective turbulence that is our becoming. But I try to give my energy to those who flow my way as fuel for the ascending navigation of our collective course.

Our spiritual beliefs are a way to make sense of our experience - to make meaning out of our existence and the human condition. Generally, they are meant to be helpful... to comfort, to motivate and to create a constructive framework to our understanding of life.

How does your understanding of evil serve you?

Song of Awe

The song and the poem came as a set after chanting 'Yahweh' with an emphasis on 'awe'. Meditating on Awe was inspired by a sermon by Rev. Jim Burklo - http://www.jimburklo.com/ - who is doing a fine job of shinning his light into the collective illumination.

Blooper...

This unexpected audience distracted me from completing my speech. If you are interested in the full message, it can be viewed at my youtube channel - http://www.youtube.com/user/JenIncarnate

Nudity...

Some people who love me, had concerns about my having included some pictures of me 'au naturelle' in my blog. As each person made their argument for how these might be mis-interpreted, I made mine for the apt representation of my intimate relationship with nature. I am not responsible for how my freedom of expression is interpreted... if I led my life by such restrictions, I would not be the free spirit that you all know and love.
~But I am responsible for being a respectful daughter to my beloved Mother who is wise and kind and has never asked much of me. So when she said it worried her, it didn't seem worth holding my ground. Therefor, I have taken down the images of nothing-coming-between-the-wind-and-my-skin. But let it be known, I still believe there is no shame in nudity and that it can symbolize more than common eroticism. I meant the images to express freedom and a closeness with nature. And while I have withdrawn the pictures, I do not withdraw my advocacy and promotion of these ideals.

Guided Meditation Hikes...

Connecting with nature is the most natural way to connect with one’s inner mystic. That’s why I call hiking my religion, ~ it is the backbone of my practice as it ensures the optimum calibration for my body-mind-spirit. I have learned that all three levels have a shared metabolism. Walking has a way of metabolizing thoughts and concerns in conjunction with waking the vital energies of our body vehicles. And moving energy satisfies the spirit which is always in search of adventure.

Nature walks are self-inducing meditations, aided by the present moment consciousness they facilitate by waking all the senses to the beauty of the day. My practice has evolved to include a number of rituals along the way to enhance the state of awareness that is so useful in granting perspective on life. I would love to share some of these with those interested so I am planning to offer guided meditation hikes, incorporating rituals from beginning to end as a way of helping others to connect with their inner-mystic.

These adventures will involve mindful silence on the way to the destination point, wind dancing (or just free movement and stretching as your comfort level dictates), and chanting ~ which I will lead with the accompaniment of an East Indian drone instrument. I have some other little rituals in mind as well but I don’t want to spoil all the surprise of the adventure. I’m quite sure everyone will gather something personally valuable from the experience. I have chosen an easy trail with a lovely destination point for this activity, so most anyone can participate. The fee will be 10$ unless a person can’t afford to pay (no one will be turned away and all are welcome),

Please let me know if you are interested and if I get enough nibbles I’ll set a date for it.

The Spiritual Instinct (avec personal theology)...

My strongest personal evidence for the innate spiritual nature of the human, comes from my early childhood experience.

Since my parents were atheists, I was not baptized, nor even provided a language for spirituality at an early age. Yet I remember praying before I had knowledge of the word prayer. Between the ages of three and five, I used to communicate with the place I called home… the place I came from and to which I had no question I would return. The way I conceived of it was as a place of white light where we were all One.

To this day I understand God as the Oneness. God is in and through everything (as a Buddhist monk once said to me; 'We are fish swimming in God') . We are a part of the Oneness that is God but God is the Oneness consciousness that has perspective on everything. And we are in dialogue with it at every turn. While I do not personify God (except for poetic license), I do understand it as a consciousness, greater than my own, with influence over mine. As a Pantheist, I believe all of life to be an expression of the divine. This universe is Gods masterpiece and our lives are the brushstrokes that compose its beauty. I consider God to be both the artist and the art. Since God is the originating source, it is also the substance of all that emerges from it. I interpret God to be the creative inspirational source composing the cosmos and correspondingly does my spirituality express itself creatively in relation to the divine. This is to say, I identify as a mystic and relate to spirit through art, poetry, music, movement and dreams.

My parents encouraged me to ‘think for myself’. They had concerns about the tendency for religions to provide ‘answers’ while discouraging questions. I find great value and inspiration in the wisdom teachings of the many paths to spiritual evolution. Yet, I am so grateful to be rooted in my own deep personal relationship with the nature of this unfolding Universe because, by it, do I wield a built-in measure for distinguishing what resonates as authentic to my soul’s progress. I am thankful to them for allowing me to evolve my own spirituality… for creating the conditions that would allow me to gather such personally irrefutable proof that we are, in fact, innately spiritual creatures .

Public Transportation

Living in L.A., I sometimes miss the public transit system of my home town (Ottawa) and the exposure to random strangers it facilitated.

Once, I was on a city bus when an elderly woman embarked from a stop outside a shopping center. She was carrying several bags in the manner of one who is accustomed to such a haul. She sat on one of the front benches, at a diagonal to where I was seated.

I have a mind that is quick to formulate theories about the lives of others, by piecing together fragments of given information, like the way their faces have worn or by their body language or in their expressions of dress. With this woman, I guessed she probably lived alone. Namely, I noticed her shoes were old. And I don't mean several years old... I mean, several decades old. I recognized their vintage to be from the sixties or seventies. They were not stylish and they were worn. She did not appear poor enough to be rendered ineligible for an upgrade. Even a second hand pair would surely be an improvement. Perhaps, to her, they were good enough back then, so why wouldn't they be good enough now? But it seemed to me that if she had someone in her life who was intimate enough to concern themselves with such details, she wouldn't be wearing such by-gone footwear.

The thought of being old and alone is a pretty terrifying thought to most humans. So the natural inclination would be to pull back from identifying with any representation of such a dreaded fate. But instead, for some reason, I felt inclined to peer closer…to lift the veil of 'otherness' and to merge momentarily with her humanity.

Suddenly I experienced there to be no distance between us. I felt I was her and I was quite at home with myself. It was no more scary than being the me that observed her as ‘other’. I felt the space between the particles of air was filled with some connective fluid whose substance was compassion. It was so beautiful! Then the feeling spread and I felt the same compassion and union with every person on the bus. I remember having the thought; 'This must be how Jesus felt.' I was flooded with love and realized we were all held and witnessed by this cosmic sinew of compassion.

It was interesting that I found the door to this state by an intentional rapprochement toward that which seemed a dreaded fate. And by looking beyond fear, I received a memorable gift of spiritual comfort.

For weeks after this experience, I kept trying to re-enter that state. I felt desperate to live there. But I have had to reconcile myself to the elusiveness of its entry point. I'm grateful for the taste I was given and I will keep trying to lift the veil. I will post directions when I find the portal again.

The space between us;

Can we dive in

To reach, to touch?

The space between words;

Is that where the truth resides?

I am peering between the molecules of air.

I am parting the curtain of your flesh.

I am deciphering the fourth dimension of you

For therein lies the face of God.

At the Summit

You are the summit of all my endeavors.

All momentum builds to you.

I am listening for your words of light

Spoken into my outstretched palm.

Spill your liquid illumination into my veins.

Speed your love-wisdom into my heart.

As I lean into you, I offer my sail.

Blow into me.

Swell me with your will.

Hello...

I am thinking it might be useful to have a place to join my voice into the cyber-chorus.
I hope to make this my record of what it feels like to be human, in this place, in this lifetime, in this JenIncarnation.

ORDINATION SPEECH (VIDEO)